The Obama train is a-rollin’, folks. I’m tempted to say, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…” But no, this Little Campaign Engine That Could fuckin KNOWS it can. (Si se puede! heh.) BIG wins in Maryland, Virginia, and DC. Oooooh shit. I admit, I found myself groaning a few times during Obama’s speech, thinking “oh no, I’ve heard all this before blah blah blah”, until I realized that the reason I found so much of it to be so redundant is that I’ve listened to that goddamn will.i.am song/”clusterfuck of inspiration” so many times it’s been burned scarily deeply into my brain. Oi.

It’s at a moment like this that I really need to step away for a minute. The Obama skeptics are, at least in one respect, right. Obamaphilia IS kind of a cult. Us Obama fanatics believe in him the way we would believe in a prophet. DON’T press play AGAIN. Please, for the love of GOD, refrain from spontaneously singing “yes we can”. And, oh lord, STOP PUTTING UP PICTURES OF OBAMA IN YOUR ROOM AS IF YOU WERE A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH A BIG FAT CRUSH ON LEONARDO DICAPRIO (*sigh*. I’ve totally been there…)

But wait a minute. Reading over those last few sentences, I can’t help but notice my two deistic references (“oh my god”, “oh lord”). And I think I get it. In our..or at least my…world of rational secular humanism and religion as uninspiring tradition, our propensity to believe and feel something bigger than ourselves, the way people have for CENTURIES before us, has been stifled. We are taught that reason trumps all. That logic and rational thinking rule everything. And we can say things like “oh my god” and “jesus christ” because they have no POWER. So there is a void, and we spend our lives searching for something to fill that void.

This isn’t my explanation for why we SHOULD feel something akin to religious fervor towards Obama. Certainly rationality and skepticism have served us and will continue to serve us well in more ways that I can even count. And yes, reason says that Obama is not experienced enough, that Hillary is a skilled politician, that John McCain would be a strong, decisive, and competent Commander-in-Chief. But I think this spiritual transference does go some way to explaining why this Obamamania is HAPPENING.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it is BELIEF, not rationality, that has driven so many major human advancements, both societal and personal. (I mean, really, imagine the conversation between Louis Vuitton and his finance guy. Finance guy: “You want to charge WHAT for these stupid bags???” LV: “Don’t worry. People will pay. I believe it.” And just think, what would the world be like without the absurd economics of designer bags? That, ladies and gentlemen, is NOT a world in which I want to live.) Yes, yes “believe in yourself” is one of the most cliche sayings in the English language, but why do you think it’s a cliche? BECAUSE IT’S TRUE.

So hop on the HOPE TRAIN, people! It’s a pretty sweet ride. (Even if it is going just a bit too fast and, as a result, lifting off the rails slightly.)

It’s Obamatastic! Obamarrific!

He’s not a democrat. He’s an Obamacrat! An Obamalican! Nay, an OBAMACRATICAN! YES!

Down with dope! Up with hope!

This isn’t a campaign, it’s a mothafuckin MOVEMENT.

(I should TOTALLY be his campaign manager.)