Last Weekend in Inspirational Quote Form

This is really the only way I can think of to do this properly. That and I think that concision is a virtue. That and I’m gonna show you all that YOU TOO can give inspiration. YOU TOO can be pseudo-wise. YOU TOO can survive very awkward familial dynamics. So here goes, a series of inspirational quotes/fortune cookie messages.

Even the most uncomfortable of situations can be broken up with a good story.

Old people are legitimately funny too.

No matter how far away some people are, and for however long, family, however you define that, will always stick with you.

Nothin like a smoke to bring good people together. (DTYM, for sure.)

Politics is best left discussed by the younger generations. The older you get, it seems, the harder it is to rationally discuss differing opinions.

Love does not die with death. In fact, in some cases, it grows stronger.

It takes a little bit of growing up to begin to fully appreciate the people who love you.

New York really is the Big Bad City to a lot of people.

Facebook is not always evil and stupid.

The celebration of the right occassion (and the right person) has an incalculable ability to bring people together.

There are a ton more, I’m sure, but I’m hungry, and I can’t really think when I’m hungry. That and the sentiment here is (appropriately) gooey(ew?) enough that I can’t bring myself to stew in it too long. But I do mean it.

 

A Monumental Event! A Momentous Occasion!

So last night I went to my first Yankee game of the season. Yes, the LAST SECOND GAME AT YANKEE STADIUM. EVER. And somewhere between the LAST FIRST A-ROD HOME RUN OF THE SEASON IN YANKEE STADIUM EVER and the LAST LAST PITCH OF A SECOND GAME OF THE SEASON IN YANKEE STADIUM EVER, my scarf and blazer and $9 beers really stopped cutting it. I had to leave. The game was (kind of) awesome. Yankee Stadium is always great, and A-Rod home runs are sexy as hell. But we were losing, and it was October cold, and I’ve got lots of games to look forward to this season. So I left. (Sue me.)

Always a subway girl, I was planning on taking the 4, switching for the 6, and making the 10-15 minute trek back to my apartment. Until Marshall suggested quite casually as we pulled away from Yankee Stadium, “you should take the bus”. Now, the casuality (really?) with which he made this suggestion was quite well juxtaposed with my reaction. “The bus?! I never take the bus.”

Now let me be clear, I am not a bus snob. I don’t look down on people who take the bus. Yes, I like the subway, and maybe on the hierarchy of public transporation, I put the bus lower than the subway (and probably lower than those bicycle carts too.) I just really know NOTHING about it, and have never had much of a necessity to learn anything about it. Blissfully ignorant, I suppose. But as the thought of that miserable windy walk after 3 hours in the cold kept popping up in my head, I realized just how good a recommendation that bus idea might be.

So instructions were given (thanks, man!) and I was on my way. And well, while the details of my bus trip of all…oh i don’t know…15 blocks, weren’t terribly exhilarating, the point is that I TOOK THE BUS! BY MYSELF! LIKE A BIG GIRL! HOORAY FOR ME!

LAST FIRST ALONE NEW YORK BUS RIDE EVER.

 

Brave New World (in the best way.)

Saturday night was one of those epic shitshows that really really belong in sophomore year of college. A joint birthday party, 40 20-somethings crammed into a room fit for twenty with probably 10+ liters of booze and a really sweet karaoke machine and projection screen. And 10 liters of booze, $60 worth of Domino’s, a few games of Slap the Bag, a bunch of hoarse voices, a big hole in the wall, a cinged chunk of hair (yours truly, actually…), one kicked out partygoer with a groping problem, and 4 hours later, the party was winding down and everyone searched for their next location.

Judging from the description above, you might guess that the next location for most would be straight home. And you would be right. You might also guess that some casualties would be found as well. Not just dignity, but tangible things lost. You would be right again. A dear friend of mine lost her wallet. Making it all the way home without cash, credit card, or ID, said friend was seemingly unaware (or had forgotten) about this missing wallet until the next morning when she found a peculiar (and awesome!) facebook message from a complete stranger, basically saying that she had found my friend’s wallet on the street, next to a garbage can, and in a “drunken stupor” decided to pick it up, noting just how horrible it is to lose things like that. She lived in the LES, she said, and would my friend like to come pick it up tomorrow?

WOW. as much as we might be disgusted by facebook, and our use of it, sometimes, look at what it can do!! The address on my friend’s ID was from her parents’ house, no phone number, no way of getting a hold of her at all. Except for facebook! Amazing! My mind is blown! (yours too? yup.)

So my friend made the trek from the UWS to the LES (oh yes, the abbrevs make me sound like a real New Yorker, you know) for her wallet. And despite the post-karaoke fiesta being nearly unbearable, (as it was for pretty much all of us, I believe) I would imagine that this simple little mantra got her through the journey, “thank you, Mark Zuckerberg. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

 Only disappointment of the night: they didn’t have “Heart of the City” by Jay-Z in the karaoke book. With the birthday boy on the verses and me on the hook, oh dear, it would have been the highlight of EVERYONE’S night, that’s for sure. Damn. Maybe we’ll ask them to get it for next time. If we’re ever allowed back.

 

Hey, have you noticed…?

The seasons are changing. Spring is on the way. Nice, huh?

And you know what that means. Warm sunshine, leaves, flowers, baseball, barbeques, outdoor parties…

Winter’s not over, for sure. But the warmth is just around the bend. Yippee!

 

Living…

I’ve got some plans to make I suppose.

So do you.

 

‘07 was lame, man. ‘08 is gonna be the SHIT.

I lied. I had really really planned on writing out a whole schpiel about Christmas and the benefits of gift-giving and how despite the downsides of the over-commericalization of Christmas, it has in many respects transformed the holiday from an honoring of the birthday (on the wrong day, I might add) of the birth of a certain group of people’s Lord and Savior into a universally accepted and celebrated day of well-wishing, family, food, warm and fuzzy sentiment, the occasional familial spat, and yes…presents. Complain all you want about materialism and greediness. When you do it right, Christmas is really really lovely.

 But the Christmas music has (finally) stopped, and I guess I will have to save my extended rant against ranters until next December. Instead, I wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR with a virtual hug and kiss (after all, if you are reading this, you are GREAT) and a quick overview of the most enjoyable/funny/typical memories that made up what I can only describe as the TIGHTEST NYE EVER. ‘08 what what.

 At the pregame:

-Love was in the air. There was so much hugging and cheek-kissing and big goofy grinning going on pre-midnight that at some points I had to pull away from everyone to take a deep breath and tell myself, “yes, these are actually my friends and look at how much we love each other.” As if that wasn’t enough, a very good friend of mine got ENGAGED. ho. ly. shit.

-We are so classy: Jagerbombs all around! As if that weren’t bad (awesome?) enough, by Jagerbombs, I really mean pouring red bull into a solo cup, then quickly pouring glugs of Jager into them, and chug-chug-chugging away. (Shot glasses get in the way.)

-Flasks of vodka make good ice packs: I stepped into the oven door. Ouch! Ovens get hot! A friend of mine gave me her ice-cold flask of vodka out of the freezer to cool it down (“if that ain’t love then i don’t know what love is”)

 Out out out:

-The NY club business is sooooo cool and exclusive: The club my friends and I went to after the pregame was, if i do say so myself, baaaaallin. I knew this immediately because the bouncer would only let in as many people as left at one time. And very few people were leaving at 12:30. Which means that everyone was having a BITCHIN’ time listening to the same 10 songs over and over again. Everyone in line was scrambling to push to the front. Not because it was freezing outside and people were bored. No no no, my friend. It’s because the energy and vibes coming from the club were absolutely palpable. Everyone wanted a taste!

-Assgrab-and-run is the new ding-dong ditch: Not 5 minutes after I walked in the door of said club, I felt a nice little squeeze on my tushie. I spun my head around expecting to see a friend chuckling. Instead, I saw some guy’s back. Running away. Literally, running away from me. I could have sworn we were all older than 15 years old. No?

-Coolest bathrooms EVER (this time, I’m serious.): the stall doors were one-way mirrors. I could see out into the bathroom from the stall, but on the other side all you could see was a mirror. Pretty much the entire time I was in a stall, I was watching some girl fix her hair, check herself up and down. You know, making sure her tits were in place correctly and she didn’t have lipstick on her teeth and shit like that. This went on for a good two or three minutes. As funny as the look on her face would have been, I didn’t have the heart to open the door while she was primping. I can only imagine the kind of shit people in those stalls have witnessed.

-Common misconception: dance skills improve as level of drunkenness rises. This is patently FALSE. Truth: PERCEPTION of dance skills improve as level of drunkenness rises. Which I guess, if both parties are drunk, is pretty much the same thing. But once you realize and can accept that, “I can’t dance, I’m not not drunk enough” is NO LONGER an excuse. Remember that, people.

-I like spooning.

So happy 2008 everybody. Here’s hoping that this year will be filled with just as much celebrity and/or government scandal as the last, and that your New Years’ Resolutions stay resolved. (38 hours and counting…woo hooo!)